another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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