what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
