just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
