bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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