I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize