you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
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i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize