a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Send help, water and tortillas.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Randomize
