Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
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Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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