where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
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you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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