are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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