hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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