Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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