It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
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I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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