K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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