i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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