maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
