I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
