Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
