Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
