8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
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