they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
two words...techno handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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