thus making me awesome and them whores
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
