I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
