I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
