Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize