don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
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Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
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Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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