he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
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Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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