Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
