I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
