I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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