i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
