why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
