Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
