Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
