I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize