Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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