plz talk dirty to me
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
