would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Blood and glitter go together right?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
