Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
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At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
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People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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