Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
