I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
That accounts for only three of the penises
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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