can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
