So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
