I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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