You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
