I hate all girls vehemently.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
