tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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