You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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