I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
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