I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
