i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
