I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
