There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
