Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize