A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
