His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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