Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
try to milk me bitch
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
