i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
